Moving On.

I have been looking at you from afar without you noticing it. Yes, I may have told a few people about you, how good looking you are, how smart and witty and silent you are, but they never knew (and know) how deep I felt (and still feel) about you. Maybe someday, someone will read this blog post and will definitely get a hint about your mysterious identity, but I don't care. Because as I said, in like a month from now, I might have been able to get over you already.

You make me smile whenever I see you around (though not physically), but whenever I see you around the social media circle, something inside me tells me that I should make an effort for us to be closer. But that something is defeated by a bigger something that tells me not to because I might just end up broken. Yes, you reach out to me at times. I appreciate it. But it's just that. It's not consistent. So I must accept the fact that it's now the perfect time to accept that nothing will ever exist between the two of us aside from this shallow friendship that we share and that I should forget I ever felt this way for you.

I never had any serious relationships in my life yet-- romantic in that sense. I even can't imagine myself engaging into one. Maybe I've been hurt enough before. My puppy love experiences might have caused my now-self to build a wall around my heart and stop it from falling hard. That's why I'm making a promise--

I will no longer think of you that way. I won't read and re-read our conversation over and over again. From now on, I don't want to over think. And that, I will finally do what I have always told myself to do which I would like to keep for myself. I already did this before, so I'll definitely make it again this time. 

Ciao! 

Random

I haven't blogged in a while. I just remembered that I have a blog because a friend was promoting his blog posts awhile ago in Facebook. Then snap, "What the hell are my posts on my blog?". So I decided to go check on it. Ah, good. I'm pretty pleased with the posts. Because I had a bad day, I'll blog.

Where do I start? Okay. Updates. So much has happened, I can't even remember what day today is. Kidding.

I left my old online employer. I didn't say anything. I just left. Blocked him from my e-mail and my YM. I know it was unprofessional but I tried to tell him before that I could no longer write because of my schedule. I have to go on duty as a nurse for 8 hours, then do other stuff like run errands for my Mama and Papa. He was very pushy in giving me writing assignments, telling me to "write only when your free", but soon after, he'd tell me that he needs the articles ASAP. Like, what the heck?

I no longer have a job of any type- online or real. All I do is wake up, check my laptop, check my iPod, play, browse, chat, stalk, talk, eat, drive. It's fun, though. It's fun because months from now, or prolly weeks from now, I'd start working again. I better enjoy this.

...His Hand has Calmed my Troubled Heart and I Believe

Good Friday. By this afternoon, we'll hear a service about the Lord's seven last words. It's gonna be a long and dragging service. But it's okay, though. We only observe what they call "Siete Palabra" once a year. Do we really observe the Holy Week because of what it should be for- repentance and thanksgiving?

I admit I still eat meat during the days when I shouldn't (as the Catholic faith dictates). I'm a Protestant, like my Papa, but my Mama was born and raised in Catholicism. It has never been a problem with us, however. But sacrificing what you're eating isn't the only way of showing repentance.

When I was in still in high school, at the height of the cellphone fever- it was torture not to have your cellphone for a day- what more for a week? My Papa would keep my cell phone from me and I'd be worried sick for days. I didn't have to sacrifice anything else, he said, I just had to give up something that I'm used to.

Yesterday, when I realized it was Maunday Thursday, I went online and immediately deactivated my Facebook account. I drove my Mama to the market for some items and when I went back home, I had messages on my YM. Friends wondered why they couldn't find me over at the social networking site. I simply said, "I deactivated my account for the Holy Week". Though it's something new to me, I'm okay with it. I'm not dying to go back- yet. It's nice to have a break from the public. It's a new experience, not having to log in to your account and spy on others' lives. When I checked my e-mail, no notifications. It's a weird feeling, though. I'm not saying I won't get back and activate my account. Actually, I will. By tomorrow.

The reason behind the deactivation is as simple as what my Papa said- sacrifice something that you're used to. Not the conventional one of not eating meat, not going out and be silent the whole day. We do Holy Week the other way around- eat meat, loud music, laugh. We don't pretend to be sad because Jesus Christ died. We're happy because He has given His life for us, and He has saved us from our sea of sins. Because we know for a fact that He will rise again. :) If anyone of you thinks it's just plain wrong, you better keep it to yourself. Just respect how we do it, because I never said anything bad about how you observe the Holy Week.