Sigh.

Until now, I still feel bad for our broken friendship. Years of friendship gone to waste. We have never spoken about it but I know we will never be the same. We still do some chit chat but everything's different now. We hold a lot of things from each other. We used to talk about anything and everything. We didn't care how one would think about what one would say. But now, we try to be very careful so as not to hurt each other's feelings. We don't see each other that much.

We started out as high school kids looking for ourselves. We were from an all-girl group and the boys were exclusive with their friendship. Then, the spark. We played, laughed and walked home together. We were inseparable. We used to think we were the coolest. Any group would think they are. We became co-ed. Boys with girls, girls with boys. We grew into one big barkada. I remember how we stayed out late in school. Bentong, our security guard, used to get so mad and scolded us for being so noisy. He gave us names and somehow understood our friendship. Other friends became boyfriends-girlfriends, though. And when they broke up, everything was okay. Everyone tried to understand each one's feelings post break up.

College came. We never wanted to leave our happy- go- lucky lives but reality bit and

we had to. We went to different colleges and universities. When sem break came, everyone was always psyched to go home back to Butuan to meet the barkada. We had our overnights. Beer. Chips. Smoke. Laughter. Te

ars. I remember how one would cry and laugh at his/ her frustrations and struggles not just with college but with life in general. We were the typical barkada- bonded, close. After bottles of beers and bags of chips, we were closer as ever.

But things change. With that, people come and go. It's sad.

We used to meet halfway. Ideas weren't as complex. I may have hurt the feelings of some who think I abandoned one of our friends, but some still think what I did was right. We tried to patch things up and thought we got okay afterwards. But the truth is, we forgot how we were as Lifetime.

I may have hard feelings after everything that's been said and done. I know they feel the same way. But the best part after everything that's happened is knowing who your real friends are. And I'm thankful for them- Grace, Jasper, Ted and Dale.